Uzumaki Rising: The Gunslinger Ninja
by Nitramy
Summary: Naruto ends up in Rune-Midgard after a botched Hiraishin, and now he's just recently made it back home... Minor elements from other games included in this crossover; minor Ragnarok: The Animation bashing; powerful Naruto, not pairing-dependent.
1. Chapter 1

Twin Fates will be up in a day or two. Finalizing stuff. Enjoy this in the meantime.

_Once upon a time, a blue-eyed boy from the Elemental Countries learned one of life's cruelest lessons... that evil was bigger than his nindo._

_So he followed the footsteps of a hero, ended up in a mysterious land, and after much hardship, returned home with the heart of a ninja, and the soul of a gunslinger..._

_

* * *

_

**_Uzumaki Rising: The Gunslinger Ninja_**

**_Prologue: The Art of Ninpo and Gun_**

**_

* * *

_**

"Damn it, what the hell are you standing around looking stupid for? Cast the damn spell already!"

I always thought that my newbie genin days were the worst time of my life.

This turned out to be oodles worse.

At first, I thought that I'd end up joining the strongest monster-hunting team in this world to aid my searching the Lighthalzen Biolabs for a clue in finding a way back to my world... because throughout my travels, I've found nothing but cryptic clues and half-baked hints. If there was a way to manipulate the forces between dimensions for my return home, I was sure the Lighthalzen laboratories would have something.

I mean yeah, it's been a wonderful four years that I've been here, spending free days helping out Old Man Garrison, going between Prontera and Alberta for my day job (got hella buff doing it, too!), training under Lady Selena and my friends in the Gunslinger Guild, and doing my best on both sides in the Marroll conflict (got a nifty set of duds to show for that effort, believe that; and don't ask about my badge. It's enough that the last time I asked to get sent to what used to be the Dimensional Gorge, I ended up in some place called the Abyss, beat up some schmuck named Ragu o Ragla, and all I got was this lousy Sheriff Star).

Now that I've learned everything I can in this world, though... and even someone as brilliant and deranged as the Lord of Death himself threw in his two cents about this damn seal on my stomach... I'm in danger once more.

Danger... because the people interested in hunting me down for what's in the aforementioned seal seem to have tracked me down here.

Letting them run loose here would only mean more loss of life. (Sure, all the snotty and arrogant Champions, Asuras 'Sin and Guillotine Crosses I've run across will be let down a few pegs, but that doesn't justify this at all.)

And so, here I am, stuck with a bunch of idealistic morons who are too busy contemplating whether or not to strike down their "comrades" while I'm doing everything in my power to make sure their hides leave this edifice in one piece.

"Oh dear," a dark-haired man wearing a pair of blood-drenched katars said. "Still stuck on babysitting duty, Uzumaki?" he asked, and the sarcasm rolling off his voice wasn't as noticeable as the fact that he was semitransparent and exuding an aura not unlike mine.

"Oh, shut up, Eremes," I reply as I parry his attempt to slice me open with my pistols, kick him off me while I backpedal and let off several shots to disorient him while I slide out the boomstick from the holster strapped around my back.

Electric blue barrel.

Oridecon-reinforced.

Top of the freaking line.

"Dodge this, pal."

I pull the trigger, and the shotgun coughs out its payload of explosive death. At that close a distance, anybody unfortunate enough to get hit is gonna be hurting.

The buckshot tears through him, and I can see the powers swirling around him repairing the damage.

I look around and seeing the source of those powers, I swear. "Fuck. Party's gotten too large for comfort."

"Does that trouble you, Mr. Uzumaki?"

"Not really," I reply, dodging a purple wave of energy and lining up another shotgun blast. "Sorry we have to go through you guys, Miss Margaretha, but I need to go home."

"We are bound to this place, therefore we are contracted to protect it with our lives if need be."

"Tch. Suit yourself."

Meanwhile, that idiot Royal Guard still HASN'T cast Defender AND Devotion, whining about how his old friend Takius wanted to be like Katheryne Keyron.

(I haven't mentioned the fact that nearly everyone already has a Gryphon mount. This guy hasn't yet.)

Said translucent female wizard was now about to throw a very painful ball of lightning at him.

What an idiot. And this was the best monster-hunting team around?

"Out of the freaking way!"

I barely make it to Roan the dumbass Royal Guard and kick him aside before the ball of lightning sends me flying backwards...

...right into a waiting and grinning Howard Alt-Eisen.

"How's it hanging, friend?"

I don't know which is more frightening: his honest-to-goodness childlike grin or that bloodied Light Epsilon he's toting around like a child's squeak-hammer.

Sorta reminds me of that girl in that really odd manga Shino seemed to like - what was her name? Yuno or something?

Well, on a girl it was kinda unnerving, but plastered on the face of a phantasmic man wielding a massive axe, those bland eyes become more than frightening.

Still, my tenant forces me to function even though I should be a shivering wreck on the floor.

"So-so, I guess," I reply, trying to sound nonchalant.

"You don't mind me splurging a little zenny on your return here, now would you?"

"I'd rather you pinch a few pennies, Howard. Times are hard these days."

"You're such a spoilsport, Naruto. Very well... Hammer Fall!"

"This is just wonderful," I mutter as I barely dodge the ethereal hammer, returning my beloved Gatekeeper-DD back to its holster and whipping out the big boy.

"You don't mind me setting off a few fireworks, don'tcha?" I asked, flicking an enchanted zenny coin into the air before locking and loading.

Sadly, all three grenades were blown up harmlessly in midair.

Shit. Cecil's here. ...which means that huntress whose accent I can't place is out of the fight.

Time to get serious.

_Need a little help here._

_**Your friends will be in danger. More of this "protecting precious people" nonsense gone wrong, and your fragile mind will take one dent too many and fall apart completely.**_

_They already know the protocols when they see the red flow out of me. Besides, thanks to those toads you so love, I can feel the leyline closing in. We pull off whatever got us to those Valkyries, plus a little reverse summoning, and we're home._

_**What else do you need?**_

_You're limited by the seal, but do try to stabilize the main sealing matrix while I fend off these guys, _I say to the presence sealed within me, grinning as the last guy in today's dance card enters the floor.

"Good day, Sir Seyren."

"Don't play dumb. You realize that your little time-space experiment helped unleash that horror known as Satan Morroc?"

"Hey, I put in my dues, I paid for my share in that fiasco. I even put two in the head of that mud guy and peeled a swatch of its skin off to reinforce my cape, you know," I said, rolling out Sir Garrison's present for my coming-of-age, when he saw me pull off tricks he last saw Lady Selena do. "Don't tell me what to do when you and your merry bunch of friends are still cooped up here."

Damn, even now, these revolvers are still b-e-a-utiful. I chamber in the shells, time my approach, and just when those three move in, I start my movement.

I dance around their slashes and blows, each time breaking into their guard and firing off point-blank shots into their faces.

Several times.

No, no, don't worry. They get up. They always do.

This just kept them down for as long as what's needed...

...Ouch.

Damn, it was a diversion! And that annoying Pneuma is up! Can't make it to drive them away in time, for Sorin's gonna pop a Resurrect or three, and it's back to square one with me at a disadvantage.

The bolts of Katheryne Keyron's infamous "Lord of Vermilion" descend, and I hurriedly scramble for cover, red chakra beginning to leak out from the seal.

I shoot a glance backwards, and the Baka Brigade have just been assembled, with Roan the dumbass Paladin's wife done doing her healing duties on 'em.

**"THERE'S THE PORTAL, NOW GET YOUR ASSES OUT OF HERE!" **I roar at them, my voice changing in line with the beastly chakra beginning to augment and modify my person.

"So brave, but ultimately, so foolish," Katheryne said, pointing her wand at me, readying for another cast of Jupiter's Thunder.

"The leyline is already below me. My party has evacuated. Not so foolish, after all," I retort as the chakra cloak begins to take on three tails.

"So you meant to bring us here... was this one of your ploys?" Seyren asked, aghast.

"Sorry, guys. Can't play no more," I tell them as the seal blows a portal open, the familiar gates of Konohagakure on the other side...

...and then I jump through.

I feel the pull of timespace, go all the way to six tails just to hold myself together... and when I see a light at the end of the tunnel, I lunge towards it...

...and I emerge, looking towards the now-famous gates of Konohagakure.

Home at last.

* * *

You might know me as Uzumaki Naruto.

Well, I still go by that name. Not that that name matters where I came from.

Long story short, I got my erstwhile godfather (or so he says) sloshed during our training trip, he lets slip one of the secrets behind the Yondaime Hokage's trademark Hiraishin no Jutsu, and that gets me off my lazy ass and into detailed study of that seal.

And of all my luck, when I decided to do a test run, I ended up in some strange place called Einbech, with a bunch of strange things after me, yearning for my blood.

The failed Hiraishin attempt also did SOMETHING to my chakra coils - after one visit to Cougar Gai (no relation to Might Guy), I found out that it had severely impaired my ability to use jutsu, setting me back ninja-wise.

That was the good news.

The bad news, was that the demon fox sealed inside me was also a stranger to this place. It basically bled its wanderlust over me, leading me to spend the first few weeks on an impromptu Rune-Midgard world tour.

The airship trip was a blast, though - but don't tell it that.

Anyway, with no connection to the earlier cities, I ended up in the Steel City of Einbroch, where I found a suitable living as a gofer for old man Garrison. Shortly after that, they saw that I was literally some sort of ingenue with a gun, signed me up for the guild and classes under both Master Miller (still snicker a bit whenever I think of his name) and Lady Selena.

In between that, there was my day job of stacking crates over at Alberta and shuttling potions from the Merchant's Guild all the way to the former city of Morroc.

First time I saw that, it seemed like I saw Konohagakure again.

You see, right now, my relationship with the entity within me has grown somewhat complicated - I can only use my ninjutsu when its chakra is burning within me. Thanks to a few tips on sealing courtesy of one Dark Snake Lord, I've managed to give the demon fox back even a small fraction of its energy and stopped the energy transfer process.

That may have given me monstrous chakra reserves, but with my coils only going online when I pull on the red chakra, it's not exactly great for covert action.

Now a finely-tuned Dusk - with optional scope, customized stock and enchanted with the powers of one Valkyrie Randgris - is a different matter entirely.

Thanks to my ninja training, I've rediscovered something that was thought to have been lost in Rune-Midgard: sniping.

Boom goes the Dusk, and off goes the Raydric's helmet.

Off goes the Alarm's mask.

Boom to the head of that annoying Anubis.

Of course, the fox has been gleeful ever since I allowed it to see the world through my eyes. The way it is now is that it'll take five hundred years or so to get back its power once it leaves, but out of some weird sort of gratitude, it's not leaving if it meant me dying.

That was just bizarre. Demon logic is really strange.

Even fearsome beings like the Doppelganger sense the demonic presence in me and stalk around warily instead of running into me, intent on cleaving me in twain with their instruments of death.

Come to think of it, these past few years, I've treated the fox as one of the people precious to me, despite all that had happened to me because of it - besides, three years to the day that I arrived here in Rune-Midgard, it told me the story of how it ended up sealed within me.

What it told me about that day it came to Konoha made me wonder... and plan ahead as to what I'd do when I return home.

Sadly, it would seem that Konoha doesn't seem to welcome me - judging by those nameless, faceless, soulless ANBU following me not long since I've made my return.

* * *

"...being a ninja is a lot like riding a bicycle."

"What is a bicycle, and what does it have to do with being a ninja, ero-sennin?"

So yeah, that was about the time when Sensei (...after several years, I've had enough run-ins with perfectly normal people whose perversity made my former master look like a saint) and I ended up in Spring Country, and I found out why the saying stuck.

You never really outgrow being a ninja... even if you change specialties somewhere along the line, your mindset still revolves around the three basic disciplines of ninpou: genjutsu, ninjutsu, and taijutsu.

They may have been good at keeping hidden, but being taught by a master at tracking and stealth made it worth jack shit.

The demon fox inside me kind of helped, too. Enhanced senses and all that... Come to think of it, this reminded me of that time in Payon...

* * *

"Ugh..." I said. This was supposed to be another run-of-the-mill visit to Payon Cave to find artifacts that would supposedly help me find this world's leyline (to help me return to Konoha, of course).

What I didn't bargain for was for the ancient evil known to the people of Payon as the Dragon Zombie to rouse from its slumber.

Yeah, yeah, I know, you're going to start to blame the fox.

That game had gotten old, way, way back. If this was Konoha, I would have let it slide. But here, where I found a new life, they still come up with this sort of crap?

Especially since it was the one who made sure that I wasn't chomped on by the Nine Tails' running around these parts - and that it had also told me the story behind its attack on Konoha.

Hence why I needed to survive and return: I had to prevent a catastrophe from taking place.

Punching Uchiha Madara's face in was a good enough consolation prize... and this was about the time I found out several things: one, the Kyuubi had both genders and no gender simultaneously. That I found out from the caretaker of the Nine Tails', and my erstwhile ally in putting this monstrosity down.

The other thing was that I somehow understood the Nine Tails and their caretaker now. Part of the seal's many effects, or so they said.

"I'll hold them off, you get the kits to safety," I growl out, the red chakra beginning to flow off me. Seemed like my instinct to protect those precious to me leaked over to the fox, and seeing its distant kin in danger, acted accordingly.

It was a cave once, but I ended up blowing a shortcut to the surface (along with a good chunk of that thing's torso) by following Moonlight Flower's instructions on how to use my billowing chakra as an offensive attack.

Bring the purple Rasengan to play, and then it's game, set and match.

(After what had happened, everyone still goes after the Nine Tails and their caretaker for sport, or so I heard, but I managed to get the people of Payon to not go after their young, and to only subdue the caretaker.)

* * *

Anyway, if you want to ask me how relevant this whole thing is to the here and now, is that Moonlight Flower - the Nine Tails' caretaker - is much, much stronger than a group of ANBU.

So seeing the animal masks made me feel relieved, and at the same time on edge.

Here comes the first shot - illusory attack. I chug a purple slim to ward off the effects and pretend to be affected by it, so the first two - Panda and Cat - charge in.

_Okay, time out. Something's up. Is ANBU really this lame, or did I get so awesome? They seem to move like molasses - I can even sense what they're intending to do with their attacks._

_**It's not that. Our adventures in Rune-Midgard have given us a wealth of experience you haven't even begun to sort out.**_

_What do you mean?_

_**Just think of it as culture shock.**_

_If you say so, _I tell my tenant.

Out comes the revolvers, and I track down the needles thrown by Panda mask, shooting them down easily while I raise my arm to have my gun block Cat's overhead sword strike.

I sense fire nearby, and break off as the fireball comes careening towards me. Damn. I've dodged the worst of Satan freaking Morroc's attacks, you think you can nail me with that cherry bomb of yours?

Strangely, after I leap away from the fireball, I grab my hat in midair before coming down, allowing them to see my hair and face.

"...Uzumaki Naruto?" Cat asks, recognizing my whisker marks.

"One and the same," I answer, raising the brim of my hat and giving the Konohagakure ANBU my trademark grin.

"So... what's happened since I've been gone?"

* * *

_The leyline actually manipulated time and space?_

**_It appears so._**

_If you don't mind me being too curious for my own good, why?_

I hear the fox sigh in its cage.

_**It would appear that if the leyline followed the line of time and space normally, you would be dumped in the literal middle of nowhere.**_

_...nowhere?_

_**Given what little I know about the nature of reality as I am confined within you, the leyline seems to know that the logical location of four years since our departure would not exist in our absence.**_

_That bad?_

_**Our existences would seem to be linchpins that keep this world together, to speak a little more simply. Who knows what horrors would have happened had we not been around? Your kind has the saying about how wanting for a nail cost the kingdom.**_

_So I basically spent four years in Rune-Midgard for free?_

_**Relativistically speaking...**_

_**...yes.**_

_Cool._

_**Leave it to someone like you to see the breaking of many of the cosmic laws that bind this universe and others as... 'cool'.**_

_Believe it._

_**I shall try to see if we had been followed by anyone or anything from Rune-Midgard. Try not to disturb my attempts to commune with this world's chakra network.**_

_All right. Want me to speed things up with that weird green energy thing?_

_**Not now, but thank you for considering it.**_

_Very well._

I opened my eyes to see a distraught Jiraiya and an irate Tsunade facing me down in the Hokage's office.

"Uzumaki Naruto... explain yourself."

An hour later, I was wrapping things up with them.

"...So basically, that's how I got four years' experience under my belt - I've lost a significant amount of abilities as a ninja, but I've gained a whole other skill set in exchange. Several creatures were also given to train and assist me, because of their respect for the fox's power: I learned how to harness more of the fox's power efficiently with Incarnation Samurai, advanced seals from the Dark Snake Lord and the Lord of Death, chakra to matter conversion from Kiel Hyre, among others..."

"...All that aside, how did Konoha fare while I was away?"

"Naruto, it's only been a week since you tried to use the Hiraishin," Tsunade said.

Well, fuck me sideways.

By the time my fourth year in Rune-Midgard passed, I was already resigned to the fact that everybody would pass me by.

Looks like I still am Konoha's most surprising ninja.

...and I'll be all set to add "and Gunslinger" to that, too.

Everyone won't get to know what hit 'em.

I smiled at the Hokage's statement, and got ready to take on the tail end of my apprenticeship with Jiraiya in a Konoha training ground.

"...so you'll agree to finish here within limits of Konohagakure?"

"I see no problem in that, ma'am," I reply. "There might be a few things I'll miss, but that can come after we send the Akatsuki packing, right?"

"That's right."

"What are we waiting for then, sensei? Let's go and make the most of the week."

It was actually rather hilarious - I was dragging the Toad Sage onto the training field, promising him a chance for him to do his research if I got a chance to have my old skill set analyzed.

Yeah, there's no place like home.

prologue: **end**

**notes:**

**Sheriff Star **  
_Equipment Type: _Accessory  
_Weight: _0  
_Level Required: _95  
_Job: _Gunslinger  
_Slot:_ 1

STR, AGI, INT, VIT, DEX, LUK + 10  
CRIT + 10  
Lucky Dodge + 5  
Critical Attack damage increased by 10%  
Max HP increased by 30%  
Max SP increased by 20%  
Increases HP and SP recovery rate by 50%  
Skill "Coin Flip" always succeeds  
25% chance to not use a Coin when using single Coin-based skills  
Halves coins consumed when using multiple Coin-based skills  
25% less SP consumption when using skills  
25% increased damage when doing long-range physical attacks  
Halves ammunition consumed when using "Trigger Happy Shot", "Full Buster", "Desperado" and "Spread Attack"  
Reduced duration of status abnormality by 66%  
Double effect of Potions  
50% increased duration for "Gatling Fever" and "Last Stand"  
Reduces cast time of "Tracking" by 50%  
10% chance for long-range physical attacks to ignore target's defense  
5% chance that "Lex Aeterna" will be cast when using "Bull's Eye", "Tracking" and "Triple Action"  
Reduces damage from all types of monsters by 350% when user wears "Elite Shooter's Suit"; "Sheriff's Manteau" and "Battle Boots"

**Wild Cloak **  
_Equipment Type: _Garment  
_Weight: _80  
_Defense: _85  
_Level Required: _90  
_Job: _Gunslinger  
_Slot: _1

HP +500  
Flee +10  
+5% Resistance to all attacks  
Additional 10% resistance to long-range physical attacks  
Name is treated as "Sheriff's Manteau"

Naruto has the following weapons in his arsenal:  
+8 Gatekeeper-DD  
+10 Dusk of Elimination  
+10 Double Aqua Garrison  
+8 Diligent Inferno  
+8 Soldier Gatling Gun

Optional weapons:  
+8 Lever Action Rifle of Chinook Double  
+8 Double Bloody Wasteland's Outlaw

His equipment is the following:  
+4 Romantic Gent  
+9 Prime Elite Shooter's Suit  
+9 Deluxe Wild Cloak  
+9 Superior Battle Boots  
Sheriff's Star  
Sheriff's Badge

And Kiel Hyre's "chakra to matter conversion ability" is simply Dante from DMC's ability to create bullets from his demonic energy. Our boy won't do running out of ammo at a crucial moment, won't he?

This story will probably go for nine more chapters (another hint to the other other series that inspired this story).

Oh yeah, if I could, I'd have David Nowlin and Greg Weber do the music and lyrics for this story's theme song.

And to answer your questions, no, I never planned for Naruto to get any second or third-job class skills. He's broken enough already. Also, the reason Naruto has a lot of +10's and +9's is because just like in canon, Naruto is unbelievably lucky.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Uzumaki Rising**_

**1st Impact: Here Comes Naruto!**

**

* * *

**

My return to Konohagakure sent shock waves through the ninja community, as after I had been given a few diagnostics by Hokage-sama and Jiraiya-sensei regarding what the hell just happened when I botched the Hiraishin no Jutsu, everything changed.

First, they froze my status as a ninja. Unless I had any alternative skill set I could use, I would be ranked as a civilian.

That would not do, so I told them that I still had my ninja techniques, I just couldn't use them normally.

So Hokage-sama, Jiraiya-sensei and I went on a short trip to somewhere in Fire Country for me to explain, and with an exhibition of demonic chakra-powered Kage Bunshin (which ended up not looking like me), a Rasengan that was more purple than blue, and a Sexy Technique that gave my female self a figure that even beat the current Hokage's.

Going on a different tack, I showed that it took very little demonic chakra (as in raindrops to an ocean little) to create bullets - bullets for my firearms. Revolvers akimbo, shotgun, rifle, grenade launcher two-handed, and a gigantic automated monstrosity.

Long story short, I got a skill-based promotion to special jonin, and got an S-rank mission straight from the Hokage herself right then and there.

Heard the news about that old cripple who goes to the Hokage Tower every once in a while, who just dropped dead one day?

I put one through his brain. Didn't even see it coming, even if - as we found out in the postmortem - you had an arm full of precognitive eyes grafted on a surrogate arm.

Sadly, I did get a few bad habits while in Rune-Midgard, as Doug, one of Garrison's assistants, told me that "everyone runs faster with a knife in hand".

Even now I hold onto a kunai whenever the situation calls for running. And yes, that very same assistant put me through the wringer for several years to get me as accurate as he is with a rifle.

Put studying wind and weather conditions, how to lead shots on moving targets, and some wacky thing called the Coriolis Effect together, and yeah, I did get it.

Also, yes, the guy was a psycho. Made that Chunin examiner lady look like Ayame-chan in comparison. I'm not going to forget his incessant crying out about headshots for a long time, either.

What I won't tell you is how far I was when I made the shot. You wouldn't believe it even if I told you.

So yeah, the last year I spent in Konoha before my three-year "grace period" was up - I spent it trying to integrate my Gunslinger skills into my ninja mindset. I didn't even think much about being a ninja back in Rune-Midgard, but now...

Anyway, I'm here with a recently-debriefed Chunin named Sai, Sakura-chan (who, by the way, has grown a fabulous backside while I wasn't looking), and our substitute jonin-sensei - he was pretty much ok, but that bizarrely blank face was kinda unnerving - waiting for Team 7's prodigal son.

Oh, what's that? What happened to Kakashi-sensei? Glad you asked.

Well, those two Akatsuki schmucks had this cheap-ass technique where they possess a dead guy and make it move just like they do. Some sort of clone variant, I could smell the death even before they got to do their obligatory villainous monologue.

How'd I beat Old Duck Butt? He may have the Sharingan, he may be fast, and he may be smarter than me...

...but I've yet to meet someone who can outsmart **BULLET**.

No, seriously. One Gatling Fever, and I had him. Sure, he dodged the first forty-eight shots. Unfortunately, the end came when I grazed him.

Too bad it was just a clone. I'm sure the real him heard me cackling like a maniac and screaming **"CRY SOME MORE!"** while I unloaded. For bonus points, his partner, the fish guy?

He gaped at my cackling and got his neck broken by a flying kick from Might Guy. Again, it would have been so awesome if it was the real McCoy. Still, you take your victories where you get them.

Anyway, they got Gaara, we got into this crazy fight, and Kakashi-sensei used this bizarre time-space technique he says was "inspired" by my little Hiraishin experiment.

His partner, some Akatsuki guy using puppets got wiped out by Gaara's grandmother, herself a puppet user too. Sakura-chan even got in on the action, letting her movements be directed by the nice old lady who almost always had her in a squat, revealing those nicely toned buns and thighs... oh my.

It was actually the sight of Sakura's behind that won the day for sensei, as the blonde girl?/guy? got distracted by the spandex-covered glory that is Sakura's behind that he got nailed badly by that time-space thing.

Too bad using that technique drained Kakashi-sensei lots, so that got us a new jonin-sensei.

Back to then... where was I? The Akatsuki guys were planning to have some missing-nin reinforce their ranks in this fight, but no one came - thanks to yours truly.

A Lever Action Rifle shot tends to leave nice little holes on one end of the human skull and gory, blown-off holes on the other end. Never mind that you can reinforce your skull with chakra, these are demonic chakra bullets, baby.

Boom, headshot.

Where was I? Oh yeah, here comes Sasuke... and that is perhaps the ugliest outfit I've ever seen.

He even has the butt ribbon.

Oh my god he has the butt ribbon.

Has he been to Rune-Midgard too?

I exert all my effort not to lose my cool and burst into laughter then and there - got a mysterious image I have to maintain, you see.

So here, Sasuke goes on with that spiel about his "MUST GET STRONGER. MUST AVENGE CLAN. MUST MURDER BROTHER" yet again.

"You told me that before we fought in the Valley, Sasuke," I said, keeping my eyes shadowed by my hat.

"And who the hell are you? Some foreigner Konoha hired when it can't take care of its own dirty business?" he asks.

I push the brim of the hat ever-so-slightly upward, revealing my whiskers. "Don't remember your old teammate?"

"Naruto?"

"Oh, come on," I say as I flash him a smile. "I just change my look a little and you immediately don't recognize me? Come to think of it... you always were... shallow."

He flashes forward at the implied insult, sword in hand.

"I've learned so much, that I can kill you at a moment's notice now," he says, his face imperceptibly close to mine as the blade brushes against my jugular.

Damn, this guy is good at theatrics. Should have spent more time with those dancers at Comodo.

He swipes, and I do the thing I do best - create mayhem.

The clone I swap with bursts with a purple flash of mixed normal and demonic chakra, sending him back.

"You forgot one very, very important rule, Sasuke..." I say, using a little auditory genjutsu to make it seem as if my voice came from all angles.

And then I was the one behind him, poking him in the small of his back with one of my trusted Garrisons.

"...don't ever bring a dinky knife like that to a gunfight."

Click.

And then I was in front of him again, smiling in near-joy.

Oh, look. Here comes Kabuto. So much for rubbing it in his face.

"Come on, Master Orochimaru is waiting," he says, and Sasuke hesitatingly follows.

"Hey, Sasuke!" I shout to their retreating forms. "Remember, I still have a promise to keep!"

If any, my team noticed their pace of retreat quickened as soon as I called to them.

"Naruto," Sakura said. "you had him, why didn't you attack him then?"

"Didn't know what he could do," I answer. "I don't get into fights where I don't know the score, ma'am."

"Still, the application of that jutsu..." Yamato-sensei - our temporary jonin-sensei, he of the amazingly blank face - said, "you've been adapting to your unique modifications pretty quickly, it seems."

"No choice," I answer. "The Kyuubi can get really cranky when you use those chakra-limiting techniques of yours. I would have flipped out when we saw old Snake-Face again, but..."

"If you would have, with the skill you have now, you would surely have defeated him," Sai said.

I shook my head. "He knows I'm after his head. Now the one he doesn't know, that's gonna be the one who'll really get him. And after he's seen just what I can do with this baby, I think he's gonna play it cool for awhile."

We spend a moment looking at the valley where Sasuke and Kabuto passed in their retreat for a while before the team decides to return to Konoha and give Tsunade-sama the bad news.

And as Sakura-chan turns around to go, I am seized by the urge, my resistance crumbles, and I just have to whip out some sunglasses and bite my lower lip.

**'Dat ass indeed, **the Kyuubi tells me. **Now go forth and tap it.**

_Not until I bring duck-butt back home, _I answer. _By then, she'll be the one asking me to smack that._

**True.**

Sakura-chan, who by now has stumbled upon my visual fixation with her gluteus maximus, quickly whirls around to glare at me, but by that time, the sunglasses are gone and I am whistling a tune as I walk by her.

Several days later, upon our return home, I am greeted with some very bad news.

Team 10's sensei has been grievously injured in a fight against the Akatsuki - and it is unlikely that he will return to being a ninja.

I sigh.

Team 10 is in their unofficial training ground, mulling over recent events... all while cloud-watching.

Shikamaru's got a smoke out, Chouji's got a few bags on standby, and Ino... she looks distraught.

I'll go cheer them up... and then I'm gonna find those Akatsuki sons-of-bitches and maybe, maybe, just maybe, leave a matchbox full for the hunter-nin.

That is, if I'm feeling generous.

The Kyuubi laughs within me, feeling my hatred grow strong.

**That is what we are, **it whispers. **We are loyal friends... but ruthless enemies.**

I fight the urge to snicker.

Whoever those guys are, they're gonna be sorry when I run into them.

The streets will run wild with their blood.

Chapter One - **End**


	3. Chapter 3

_disclaimer:_ none of this is mine.

* * *

**_Uzumaki Rising_**

**2nd Impact: Wild in the Streets**

* * *

"Rifle butt, against the shoulder... eye, down the sight... now, slowly."

The bun-haired girl pulled the trigger, and a subdued explosion filled the landscape as the bullet found its mark dead center.

"Well done," I replied. "Hadn't gotten rid of all the customization I did on that old thing, so it may have a little kick to it."

"You don't say, Naruto," Tenten replied as she stood back up, rubbing her aching shoulder. "But I finally get what you were saying now. Keep it stable to aim it... so you're supposed to be lying prone to get the most accuracy over distance out of this thing?"

"Right in one," I answer. Goodness, she's a natural with weaponry of any sort. Wonder what she'd do if I tell her I'm planning on giving her nearly all my hand-me-downs? Scratch that, this isn't the time to ponder if a weapon geek like Tenten would cream herself ecstatic when I give her my old Drifter... and my old Black Rose, Crimson Bolt, Destroyer, etc.

I gotta finish training her as fire support. Team 10 managed to get valuable intelligence from those two Akatsuki blokes... at the price of their sensei's future as a ninja. And with good reason, too, thanks to the Toad Sage's information network, I heard those two nearly snagged the Two-Tail as well.

"This good ol' Cyclone of mine can also be enhanced with chakra. For someone like me, turns it into a landscape-changer. For you, it probably increases range, penetrative power... what element are you anyway?"

"Me?" Tenten asked. "I never really got around to that. Things got hectic before Guy-sensei managed to tell me mine."

"Well," I said, "when you get around to finding that out, my old Cyclone can imbue bullets with elemental chakra as well. Speaking of bullets..."

"You can't make bullets the way I do. Here's a small stash - a hundred thousand rounds sealed per scroll," I say as I hand her a box containing several scrolls.

True to form, Tenten's face turned red, her mouth gaped open, and her tongue lolled out right before her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she slumped bonelessly to the grass.

...Like I said, she's a maniac, all right.

* * *

For the pursuit, Team 7 backed up Team 10, and I managed to bargain with the Hokage for one more member as "distance support".

"So, Naruto. They say you got yourself a nice new set of moves," Nara Shikamaru said. "Hokage-sama never told us your dossier, only that you'd make a very good addition to our hunter squad."

I shrugged. "Hey, I was going to get more than a few tips on wind manipulation from your sensei. Thanks to that scythe-wielding bastard, Asuma-sensei can only tell and no longer show. I'll put two in that Akatsuki bastard's head for that."

Shikamaru chuckled. "We'll all get our chance."

"Everybody ready?" Kakashi said as he made his grand return - five seconds late, this must be a new record.

"Now's Akatsuki-killing time," I say, hefting the Butcher in a dramatic gesture.

* * *

Yep, it's just as Lady Selena always tells me. "No plan survives contact with the enemy."

We had this good thing going, really. Even had a few contingency measures up, but what we never expected was that the other guy was a bigger threat than the scythe-wielder.

We did manage to separate them, but at a rather high cost - it was down to me versus the last of this Kakuzu person's FIVE HEARTS.

I mean seriously, is this guy a freaking anthropomorphic grasshopper or earthworm or something? Here I thought I got away from all that crap in Rune-Midgard.

One of that bastard Kakuzu's hearts even managed to sneak up on our seventh member... but got the most humiliating experiences of its lives when it got sloshed with... something. ('Atta girl, Tenten - truly a prodigy with weapons, we'll make a true sniper out of you yet!) Anyway, the scent made it dead easy to track down and kill, that scythe-wielder got taken out due to Shikamaru's smarts, and good ol' Kakashi-sensei and that swell Yamato fellow managed to put a few ninjutsu together to take out all but two of Kakuzu's hearts.

And now he's after me.

"I don't sense one bit of usefulness in you aside from those accursed tools," he said as his final heart was taken out with a ricochet from my beloved Garrisons. "Now, you're in my grasp!"

Black threads erupt from him, and I worry for a second.

**_You can beat him._**

_How do I do that?_

**_You have the tools. You just need to know how to put them together._**

Wait a second.

Bullet creation, chakra, elemental manipulation...

...My Rasengan isn't actually a dead technique after all.

Unfortunately, this money-grubbing bastard's about to find that out, the hard way.

I flare the red chakra to stall his advance and reload my guns, and then I begin the choreography taught to disable, subdue, and eliminate enemies. Disabling Enemies. Subduing Perpetrators. ERADicating Obstacles, Lady Selena taught me so long ago.

The entity within me and I shout out as one.

_**"DESPERADO!"**_

Swing, shoot, swing, shoot.

"Those bullets won't..."

I keep swiveling around his threads and fill him with holes as I fire.

"...what are you doing?"

NOW he gets it.

"This is more than just a jinchuriki and his bijuu operating in perfect harmony," I mutter as he sprawls in the dirt, his powers shredded by the wind-chakra-imbued bullets.

"This is for what would have been my education... **BASTARD**." I reply, molding a significant amount of the fox's chakra in my hand.

A cross seal, and from one, I become three - shooting, punching, kicking, and chopping the defeated Akatsuki... and by the time the clones' time is up, all that's left is the finishing blow.

I point the revolver at his forehead...

"Jackpot," I say before pulling the trigger... and blowing all of him away with a huge chakra bullet.

My chakra-enhanced hearing catches an explosion, and Shikamaru's strangely-triumphant voice.

"They're going to have to fit the rest of you in an instant ramen packet," the Nara said. "Now go die in a hole."

Good old Shikamaru. Wait, don't tell me those one-liners are...

Oh, he's gonna pay for stealing my lines.

Just kidding.

* * *

"Just one last thing, Tenten-san," Sai said as we were going home from the successful mission, "what was in that jar you threw at that ghost? Made sensing him a... what do you call it... a piece of cake."

"That," Tenten said, "is a secret."

I snicker. Apparently, I'm the only one who knows what's in the jar, so I give her a wink.

Sniping is indeed a great job.

Two Akatsuki down, and we're well on our way to the others.

_**If you think they were easy, you just got lucky. The next Akatsuki guys will not be so easy. You'll need even stronger techniques to defeat them all and make it that waste of space Madara - because as you are now, you stand no chance against him.**_

_I know, I reply. We'll draw up a training plan as soon as we get back._

The sobering thought keeps me from celebrating, and instead makes me think about more explosive ways to destroy my enemies.

It won't be long before the final conflict comes.

Chapter 3 - **END**

**author's note: **Yes, that is the infamous "ahegao" face Tenten does when she sees FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND BULLETS being given to her.

I'm currently pondering the Sasuke/Itachi fight - should Naruto shove his nose in this sibling rivalry or just watch from the sidelines and clap his hands when one finally croaks?**  
**


	4. Chapter 3 Omake

This is NOT a chapter of Uzumaki Rising.

You can consider this an extended omake, or a what-if scenario. This chapter also contains spoilers for a certain quest in Ragnarok Online.

So without further ado, read on.

* * *

_**Uzumaki Rising **_

**Or How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Unexpected**

* * *

_**Omake Chapter: "Clan Uzumaki"**_

* * *

So there I was, seeing the gates of the Village Hidden in the Leaves (oh how I missed you so!) as our team took a triumphant trek back from our Akatsuki hunt.

Everyone else looked kind of put out at Tenten rubbing her cheek against my old Cyclone though, and she already started to mimic my sense of fashion before this mission came to be.

Last night, though, I took the time to bring out my old forehead protector and reminisce. Come to think of it, sitting there, looking out at the night sky, forehead protector in hand, pining for home... it kind of cut an image that you wouldn't recognize as me if you'd known me from before I got sidetracked to Rune-Midgard.

_**It cut an image, all right. Those fangirls of yours didn't stop swooning at you. Who was that one you helped out, the one where your intervention got you on the right track to get back here?**_

_**...Elly?**_

_Screw you, demon fox._

_**Apt words.**_

_DO NOT REMIND ME._

I rub my head in exasperation as I remember the misadventures I got into on the way to my return here. In hindsight, it may have been one of the most humiliating things to happen to me, but it did melt the ice between me and the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox further after we helped clear the Dragon Zombie from Payon Cave.

* * *

_My right hand carefully inches towards my holster, readying to withdraw a pistol in a moment's notice. Left's in my pocket, enchanted zenny coins at the ready should I need to. Shotgun's loaded. Gatling's revving up._

_But what I need to do is talk this guy down._

_"Look, Kiehl, you're a pretty swell guy," I begin. "Based on what I've heard, and what I've seen on the way here - sorry if I left a mess, guy's gotta defend himself - you've done a lot of good for the world. Why destroy it?"_

_"You heard my father's story. No matter how much good we do, our past is drenched in bloodshed and murder._"

_"That can't be completely true," I reply, my right hand finally finding a grip on my Wasteland's Outlaw. "None of us know for certain. I know I do my best to help this world in what little way I can... past or not."_

_"Still," Kiehl answered, "it is not that I choose to, it is that I must. The core of my circuits are indelibly linked to Allysia's ring. If you want it, you must pry it from my cold, dead, hands."_

_Automatons with bladed hands sprang from the shadows, and I flashed into motion, my blue eyes burning purple fire as I let loose with the first volley, knocking five of them down in the first two seconds._

_Oh crap. He's powering up._

_I backpedal from Kiehl as a monstrous form grows from within him, and the other mercenaries I partied with take this as their cue to attack._

_Pandemonium erupts as I take hold of the second of my matching set of revolvers, point it at Kiehl's chest, and fire off bursts of sustained fire at him._

_He's not stopping._

_The mercenaries have been injured, but are still holding fast, and I feel myself being energized as the High Priest gives me the standard package of buffs..._

_The Sniper in our group fires off arrows with implacable speed, her pet falcon soaring to the fight in tandem with her shooting. The rather arrogant Champion in our troupe has given Kiehl a full-powered Guillotine Fist to the face..._

_...Assassins jump from their spots, weapons glowing with deadly poison as they slash at the enemy._

_Looks like all time for talk is gone._

_I reveal the Butcher and relay my order._

_Our knights and alchemists come in, spears flying and potions exploding as I rev up the Butcher's motor, the enchanted zenny coins vanishing as the spell finishes._

_Showtime._

* * *

"Naruto, what's wrong?" Tenten asked me.

Crap, I was zoning out.

"With the look on your face, you'd gotten lucky back there, didn't you?" she asked with a teasing smile on her face.

"Wasn't that good," I reply, trying to keep a poker face on and failing as my mind switches back to that morning I wake up in the Kiel Hyre Academy's apartments, in Ellysia's room, turning around to see the girl who asked from my help sleeping beside me with the most angelic smile on her face... and then I hear the Nine-Tailed Demon Fox chuckling.

_**Did you just do what I think you did?**_

"Nah," I answer, my face feeling a sudden warmth as I try to move faster.

So, after debriefing with Iruka-sensei and some Ichiraku's, I was about to head home and call it a day when a quartet of ANBU appeared in front of me.

"Specialist Uzumaki, the Hokage requires your presence."

I shrug and follow them to the Tower.

There, in her office, I find the Hokage leafing through some documents.

"Good afternoon, Hokage-sama," I say respectfully, pulling down the black hat.

"Good afternoon, Naruto. Sit down."

So I did.

"First of all, congratulations on a job well done. This will go into your mission log as an A-rank seek-and-destroy mission."

"It is my pleasure, Hokage-sama," I answer, smiling.

"Unfortunately, people have been coming to me with reports of several people loitering around your apartment building. I've sent some ANBU to investigate, but they only found a few civilians. And then this arrives in the mail." she said, before beginning to read a document aloud.

_"The following is a declaration made by the retainer of the Uzumaki Clan. On behalf of its sole member and clan leader Uzumaki Naruto, we, the retainers and staff working for the clan will offer our services to the Village Hidden in the Leaves for the purpose of purchasing enough land for a clan compound."_

"Clan compound?" I ask. _Plus, who'd think this one out? Is this some sort of prank?_

_"This clan compound will be the cornerstone of the livelihood of the Uzumaki Clan and its retainers in Konoha, and the value of the land and its properties will be paid in gold, precious stones, rare metals, weapons, armor, and educating both civilian and ninja alike in our way of life."_

_"The value of our total contribution to this village may be infinite, but we humbly ask for enough space for us to be able to embrace the totality of our potential in contributing to the greatness of this village."_

_"I hope that we of Clan Uzumaki can come to this understanding._

_Sincerely yours, Seyren Windsor - Head Retainer of Clan Uzumaki_

_Witnesses:_  
_Howard Alt-Eisen, Eremes Guile, Cecil Damon, Margaretha Sorin, Kathryne Keyron, Egnigem Cenia, Erendee Ebecee, Laurel Weinder, Kavach Icarus, Wickebein Tres, and Armaia Dinze_

My jaw hits the floor. Those guys **FOLLOWED ME BACK HERE?**

* * *

**a/n: Told you it was crack-y.  
**


End file.
